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tubbles14 - *Guilty Look*

About *Guilty Look*

Previous Entry *Guilty Look* May. 10th, 2006 @ 04:53 pm Next Entry
Ok, well I haven't been a good LJ-er now have I? My only excuse is that my best friend moved in and things have been hectic for the last two months. BUT I have good news, people! Well, sort of...

*drum roll*

I, pathetic as I am, have finally gotten a real boyfriend! I know, yay me, right? Wrong. I haven't had a real boyfriend... ever really. They were all long distance relationships before now. Not over the internet(not that there is anything wrong with that) but I only saw them once a month maybe and otherwise it was on the telephone.

UNfortuanately, there are flaws. I know that there are always flaws and maybe I'm being picky but I don't want to settle, right? I mean, I don't want to rush into things and then regret my choices just because it's my first real relationship. But I am very... reserved, I guess, in the emotional and trust department. It takes me a very long time to love something or some one. Even puppies. I've been called cold and a sarcastic bitch before and sometimes I really wonder if I am flawed or damaged in some way. I think I'm like this because of all the losses in my life and it is one of my defence mechanisms. I laugh instead of crying. I make jokes at funerals. I am uncomfortable with extreme emotions, whether I'm feeling it or someone close to me. I avoid them at all cost if I am able to. Like I am now changing the subject to something funny. It's a reflex...

You know what my boyfriend, Micah, said to me? Well, we were talking during a double date with my bestfriend and her date. Micah started acting up (sometimes I feel more like a mother than a girlfriend and he's older than me by 8 years) and I asked him to talk quietly and to stop bouncing around. He looked over at me a said, "You know, you take the F out of fun." I then calmly looked him dead in the eye and replied, "Yeah, that may be, but I put the F U in a lot of other things."

I still don't think he got past the sexual inference. Geez... look deeper, buddy. Of course Belinda, my best friend and her date practically had convulsions, they were laughing so hard. Sigh... that was a fun night. One of the best I've had in a very long time.

So... I'll leave you for now but if you have any questions or suggestions, I'll reply to everyone. Help and opinions are welcomed.

Ciao for now!
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
Current Music: Wind chimes
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From:tsita
Date:May 11th, 2006 04:39 am (UTC)
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You? Reserved?

*blinkblink*

Excuse me whilst I go laugh uncontrobaly for several hours.
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From:tubbles14
Date:May 11th, 2006 08:50 am (UTC)
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Very funny, Ewe! I hope you get mattes in your wool.... *snicker* you would go around looking like grape cotton candy with legs. Liz would be all over you. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Well, I am emotionally reserved in person and in my real life. I learned early on how to act like you're happy when you want to cry. Sometimes when I am at my most hyper and "happy", I am really the complete opposite and as low as I can get. But online, you can let go of everything and be either completely yourself or you can even amplify certain parts of your personality if you want. I can honestly be extremely hyper and random in RL but I can go crazy online... I proved that a few months back on the MOB (though I did have certain people's help *HEM HEM* for that one). It's a whole different world here(online) and I can drop my insecurities and be myself. I'm not likely to run into anyone from Australia or Florida anytime soon, so I don't need to worry about that, now do I?
[User Picture Icon]
From:tsita
Date:May 11th, 2006 12:45 pm (UTC)
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My wool gets all dread-locky, thank you!

And I'm innocent. REally. A perfect little angel.
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